Next year's plans...

I enjoy being spontaneous and adventurous, but when push comes to shove, I want to know what is going to happen next in life.  Granted, some things in life are uncontrollable, and there are some things for which I  will never receive an answer.  But for those things such as jobs, living arrangements, etc., not knowing what comes next is a reckless, powerless feeling for me.  Some have said that it is a liberating feeling.  Maybe.  For me though, I need to have one foot on the ground, and when I don't - life is stressful.  Therefore, the last few months for me have been filled with varying degrees of stress related to how my plans in life would unfold.  A part of me would love to live in another country, explore more, see the world.  The stronger part of me knows that I need a base , a place to truly call home, and that I need to go back there now.  A year away from everything I love in my life is just to long for me. 


The decision to head back home was made quite awhile ago, but then came the question of where to go.  When I left Colorado to come to Korea, I was burnt out on teaching, on being surrounded by a negative atmosphere at work, and the unending politics that accompany teaching in public schools.  I had looked at changing career paths, going back for my masters, just changing schools, and obviously, teaching overseas.   I went with teaching in Korea because the pay was decent, it was something I knew as far as the teaching, and I felt that I needed a new perspective.  I think that immersing yourself in another culture always brings a greater perspective, and so, 10 months later, here I am.  I have had a great year, have met amazing people, enjoyed my students, and have seen a part of the world I knew relatively little about prior to coming here.  And I have gained a new perspective.  


Working in hagwons in Korea is a precarious thing.  Some people end up victims of an imperfect system that does not always align with western standards. Some people are incredibly lucky and end up with amazing jobs.  I am somewhere in the middle.  The hours in many schools are quite long, and vacation time is limited.  For me, the most difficult part was a result of the fact that I actually have a teaching background.  In my classrooms at home,  I had a great deal of independence, I made decisions for my classroom and students, I was free to express my opinion, and I was part of a team of professionals.  Here, I am just another person who can speak English and teach a preset curriculum that allows for no creativity, and no professional requirements.    Now, my job is not the same as everyone's in Korea, and it is a good job in many ways.  It is just not right for me.  It has, however, given me the perspective that I sought.


I have realized that despite all the flaws of my previous school,  it was a place where I was able to be a professional, I was treated as such, and there was a common sense of respect.  I have realized that the hours I worked were amazing, and that having vacations and  summers off are privileges I never quite appreciated properly.  I have realized that I need to be able to work with my administration, not just for them.  There were some very difficult aspects of my previous school, but with a new perspective, I see that many of those difficulties were a result of my attitude, and things that I can control.  


So, with that said, back to the plans for next year.  As the economy crumbled this year, I began thinking of what would be the best choice for my job security.  I came to Korea on a year long leave of absence, with no real intention of returning to my school district.  I wanted a fresh start if and when I returned, and barely gave returning to the same district, much less the same school, a passing thought.  As I read headline after headline of jobs being slashed, teachers being cut, companies folding, I realized that the fact that I have a guaranteed job, with tenure, was something I couldn't take for granted.  I decided that I would in fact return to my school district - but to a different school this time.  Someplace where I could put my newfound perspective to good use.  That was not to be, though.  After weeks of waiting to find out where I would be placed in the district, I found out recently that I will be returning to the same school I have taught at the last 3 years.  Ahhh...life certainly holds surprises sometimes.  Had someone asked me a few months ago if I would consider returning to my school, I would have responded flatly, unequivocally - NO.  Now that I am going back, and I have had some time to adjust, I think this is the best choice for me at this time.  Funny how things turn out sometimes.  I struggled for a bit with the feeling that I have been gone for a year, have experienced so much, and now I will be returning to the same place, as if nothing had changed at all.  The truth is, it is not the situation that determines happiness, but what is inside a person; and I know that I return to Colorado a different person in many ways.


I have loved so much about my time in Korea, but it has not been the easiest year of my life.  I have learned, again, that sometimes the things that seem to be the very worst, are the very things you need to grow and become a better person.  Working here in Korea has been a constant battle for me in some ways, and I wish that I had looked more seriously at teaching in a true International School.  But, if I had done that, I would not have learned many of the things I have this year.  My job might have been more satisfying  to me, but I believe I needed to gain some appreciation for the job I left back home.  Maybe an International School would be a good choice for the next time I get the itch to travel...